Relationships with annoying people: What can you do?
Can you relate to this? People can be soooo annoying. Do you agree? They do all those things you do not like at all: burp in public… being very loud… It feels as if they do not care about anyone, especially not you. It can feel so frustrating.
Have you also noticed that when you focus on it, it will become even more annoying? Even more frustrating? Some people come to a point where they conclude that the other person does that to bully, that they do it on purpose. Whether they are right or wrong, I don’t know. Does it make you happy?
Yes, I know. It can be quite challenging. It can be a pain. It can be so challenging that you feel stuck in situations. Or you feel energy draining out of you.
Why is that?
Did you know that when you focus on the other person and what he or she is doing or not doing, you stop focusing on yourself? Why does that matter, you might ask. When you focus on someone else’s annoying behaviour, you kind of disconnect from your own loving heart centre. A part of your energy is with the other person, not with you. Most of the time that energy is also a bit (read a lot!) angry.
So you end up with a little energy for yourself and lots of energy for the other person.
Is that what you want for yourself?
Did you know when you think negative thoughts about another person, you are not only weakening the other with those thoughts, you weaken yourself as well? They have done research in that area and surprisingly they found this reversed effect on the sender of negative thoughts. (If you want to experience this effect, check the exercise at the end of this blog).
Is weakening yourself something you want for you?
If you want something else for yourself, keep on reading. There are many, many things you can do to get out of the ‘annoyance’ trap. Here are some ideas:
1. Focus on yourself
As you know, you can’t change another person. You can only change yourself. So focus on yourself. Feel what you need in this situation.
Do you need to reset your thoughts? Do you need to move from negative thoughts to less negative thoughts? Or even better, neutral thoughts?
Do you need to drag yourself out of this situation? To go outside for a walk? Then do it.
Do you need to feel what it cost you? Energy wise? Do you need to know that so you can decide what you want with this situation?
What feels better? Does it feel better to feel great by focusing on you or does it feel better to focus on the situation with the annoying person?
Use your intuition and do what you can to take care of yourself and your energy!
2. Sprinkle some sparkling magical dust on yourself and the other.
This one is my favourites. It’s easy and uplifting. I just love sparkling magical dust. I love to play with it. Just imagine in your mind’s eye that you have this huge stock of sparkling magical dust. You sprinkle it on yourself and take it all in. Let it infuse you, let it lift you up, let it cleanse you. Do the same for the other person. Sprinkle some sparkling magical dust on the other. Bless him or her with love.
3. See the ‘gold’ in the other person. Instead of focusing on all the terrible behaviour. You can also choose to make a list of all the great qualities the other person has. That way you shift your focus and you can see the inner beauty of the other person. And, like everyone, that person is also so very beautiful.
4. Do the Avatar Compassion Exercise.
I love this exercise. It has always helped me to change my perspective and opened up for love for myself and others.
With attention on the person, repeat to yourself:
“Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life.”
“Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
“Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness, and despair.”
“Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfil his/her needs.”
“Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
5. Learn from the situation. Feel thankful. The other person has shown you that there is an area in your life that needs some attention, some balancing or whatever you want to call it.
The Core Quadrant Model is a great tool to get some clarity around this. It’s all about your Core Quality and the Core Quality of the annoying person. Sometimes their Core Quality is a bit too much, out of balance (their Pitfall). In this Model they call your – out of balance – reaction to it, your Allergy. Most of the time your Allergy is also a Quality you would love to experience more in your life. Knowing this, you also know your challenge and what you can learn from the other person.
Always remember… You ARE more than you know!
Yes, you are right. I promised you this easy exercise so you can experience how you weaken yourself by thinking negative thoughts about another person.
So this is what you do. Do it together with another person.
One person (Person A) stands firm, stretches one arm straight out to the side (90 degree angle)
The other person (Person B) is standing behind your stretched arm and places his or her hand just above your wrist. No pressure at all.
Person A says YES and Person B slightly adds some pressure on A’s arm, just to check if the arm is staying firmly stretched.
Person B says NO and Person A does the same procedure. Both feel what the difference is.
Now, Person A thinks something positive or something negative about another person. Focus on that thought. When Person A is totally focused on that thought, he gives Person B a sign, so Person B can check the procedure with the arm.
Play with it and experience.
Life Coach and Leveraging MasterTineke has a very loving and supportive energy and has gifted all of us with her daily Leveraging call. She has a unique ability to connect with all types of people and create a loving and supportive space. Since joining BestLife, Tineke has expanded her reach helping others feel empowered and believe in their dreams. She embraces the support and love she receives as a BestLife member and she feels a sense of freedoms knowing that her happiness and dreams are supported as well as encouraged.