Are You Under the Influence?


What are you under the Influence of?  A better question may be, “Who are you Under the Influence of?”  An even better question would be, “Who are you letting Influence You?”  When you say those questions out loud to yourself, they all sound just a little different but all of them have a very different meaning behind them.  I know this sounds like a strange way to start off a blog, but it will all make sense here in just a minute.   I have learned over my 50+ years of living on this earth, that in order to get better answers you have to ask better questions.  And to be perfectly transparent, the first 44 years of my life, I really sucked at asking good quality questions about anything, but especially of myself.  They were always very topical and served me in whatever emotional headspace I was in at the moment.

I didn’t start diving into personal development and self-improvement until about the middle to end of 2012.  I was on the tail end of coming out of a dark place in my life and I knew that I did not want my past to repeat itself.  I wasn’t quite sure if I had heard the phrase “If you want things to change, then you have to change” at that point in my life, but I knew that if I didn’t change, then it could quite possibly kill me!  That was a very real thought in my head.  My depression had gotten so bad that I almost took a whole bottle of sleeping pills at the end of 2009.  If I didn’t know anything else, I knew that I never wanted to go back in that direction again.  So, I consciously took steps to change.  It was the first time in my life that I purposefully created change in my life and started setting goals.  Some might even say I had started to dream again.  I am not sure that I would go so far as to say that “Dreaming” was something that I even knew how to do any more back then.  And quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me to dream.  The thoughts in my head were “What if I get my hopes up and it doesn’t come true?” or “I will never have the money to make that happen” (a common one for a lot of people these days).  And the big one was “What if I try and I fail? What will everyone say about me?”

I knew that the way I was doing things, got me results that I did Not Like at all!  I knew that I didn’t want those results to repeat themselves ever again.  When I started reading personal development books, I realized that I had to start taking responsibility for where I was and quit blaming other people for my circumstances.  I also had to take a hard look at the people that were in my life.  Were they there helping me or were they feeding my fears and insecurities? Your friends have the power to Influence you either in a good way or a bad.  This is where learning to ask better questions in your life becomes important.  I mean seriously, think about it for a minute.  The people that you hang out with influence Everything you do!  They affect your social status (or lack thereof), your finances, your relationships, what you eat, where you hang out and even what movies you watch.  Do you go to the bar every weekend and the biggest goal you have is to see how much pizza and beer you can drink before you pass out on Sunday night?  But then when it comes time to pay off your credit cards, student loans, car payment etc., you are struggling to get those things paid on time.   So where are those friends from the bar now?  Are they there to help you pay your bills?  I would venture to guess they are not anywhere to be found.  I would also venture to guess, they are probably in the same financial boat that you are as well.  So, how has that been working out for you?

Your friends influence Every Area of your life! To show you what I mean, I have an exercise for you to do to help you understand a little more clearly what this looks like in your real life.  So, get you a white piece of paper and a blue pen.  I wait while you do that…….. tick … tick …. tick.  Got it?

Okay, next, I want you to write down on the page, each of your closest friends.  There should be at least 5-10 on average.   I would leave a little space in between each name.   Then, out beside each name I want you to write either an Up arrow ⇑⇑, a Down arrow ⇓⇓ or a Flat Line/Sideways Arrow ⇔⇔.  Each of these represents how you feel about each friend and how they Influence you.  So, for instance, let’s say your best guy friend is “Mark”.  Is he A.) Someone that pushes you to be a better person and lifts you up?  B.) he someone that just meets you at the bar and the only thing you can count on him for is the Next Beer?  Or C.) Someone that you can talk to but they really don’t encourage you, but they don’t hold you back either?  If they are person “A” they would get an UP Arrow.  Person “B” would get a Down Arrow.  And person “C” would get the Flat Line or Sideways Arrow.  Do that for each of your friends.  Be 100% Honest with Yourself!  You are not doing yourself any favors if you are going to lie about who your friends are!  This is where the Asking Good Questions is going to come in handy.

I will wait while you finish that.  Done….? Good!

Next, in the spaces that you left between each of your friends, I want you to write down the area of their life that they are the most successful.  Socially, Financially, Professionally, Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually, Family and/or Significant other?

Next, out beside that answer (this is where it’s about to get R-E-A-L) I want you to write either a YES you would trade places with them in their Life or a NO you wouldn’t.

Do you see where I am going here?  Now, think about this, and Be 100% Honest with yourself okay, if you wouldn’t trade places with them, why would you take advice or guidance from them?  Why would you allow them to Influence Any area of your life IF you wouldn’t trade places with them?  You have an inner guidance system that is put there to help you determine who to trust or not.  What decisions to make or not.  You are where you are because of how you think and who you allow to Influence you!  Your inner guidance system is what some would call your “Gut Instinct”.  Others in the Christian realm would call it “God or Source”.  If you are more on the spiritual side, then you probably call it a “Higher Power”.  Whatever you choose to call it is perfectly fine, there is no right or wrong answer because it’s Your Belief System!   When you are not in alignment with that “Inner Being” you feel bad.  Whether that emotion is anger, hurt, frustration etc.

Don’t get me wrong, our negative emotions serve the purpose to let us know what we do not want so that we can figure out what we do want.  But we shouldn’t be hanging around in those lower vibration emotions for very long.  When you are under the Influence of your Inner Being, you trust your gut instincts and you see less and less stressful situations popping up in your life.   Here is what I would recommend.  I would cultivate a circle of friends in each of the areas that I listed above.  You will need about 3-5 friends that you Would Trade Places with in each of those areas.  You admire them for what they have accomplished and know without second guessing that you could trust their opinion if you got in a jam and needed some advice.   That my friends will become what I like to call your “Circle of Influence”!


It may take you a little time to figure it all out and that’s okay!  I don’t want you to rush through it because this is Your Life we are talking about here!  Remember that part earlier, where I said if you want things to change, then you have to change?  This is where it all starts!  Get a, what I like to call, Success Journal.  If you want, take 1 page per category from above and write down what it would look like each of those areas in your life ranked a “10”!  Then, think about the people in your life right now, that could help you achieve that rank!  Now, these people may be people that you do not know personally, and that’s okay too.  But, you can see what they do in that area of their life and you can mirror them.  They are still influencing you even though they may not be a personal friend at the moment. So, use that to your advantage.  You may even manifest new friends that will represent some of these areas better than you could ever imagine!

Nobody, wants to live an Average Life much less a Mediocre Life!  I don’t know you and I don’t want that for you!  I want you to Create a Life that is Extraordinary and then Go Farther!  Create a Life that Makes your Heart Sing!  Dream 2 Sizes Too Big and then Go After It!  I have faith in you!  If I can do it…. You can too!

That’s all for this week!  Thank you so much for taking time out of your schedule to check out my blog this week.  I hope that you found some value in the exercises I gave you today and that they Influenced you to cultivate a Circle of Influence that will help you Soar to New Heights!  

I would love to hear your questions and/or comments below!  If you like, you can also follow me on Facebook for more tips each week.  And look for my book coming out this fall on Amazon, called “Dear Victim, It’s Time for Us to Break Up Now! A Story of Empowerment through Forgiveness, Strength and Love”

 See you next time!  Have a Great Week! 

With Love, Gratitude & Appreciation 

Coach Tammy

Tammy Loftis

Tammy Loftis

Instructor and Life Coach

Using the tools and skills she’s acquired along her journey, including BestLife’s Freedom Release Method, Tammy was able to overcome the pain and darkness of her past, and move forward creating more joy, and bigger dreams, than she ever thought possible.

It is Tammy’s passion and purpose, through her coaching, workshops, and speaking engagements, to show others how they can experience joy and create the life they desire.

She uses the Emotion and Body Code in her life coaching to promote overall wellness.